The other day, I was driving to the lake with my wife. We were having a rather pleasant
conversation about my new writing hobby. On this particular subject we have differing
points of view and very understandably so. Through conversing with her, I discovered she
had a few fears about what people think concerning my ever-changing points of view
concerning life in general. She has certainly observed the reactions of several of our "close
friends" who have been noticing the obvious changes in my total outlook on life. It is not
that I no longer care about them. It is just that I now crave a much simpler life, free from
societies games of ego. Many of my friends have simply drifted away. Or, found someone
else to fill the void I left behind when I woke up.
I was always thought of as the "Wolf in Sheep's clothing." I was ever more on the look
out for something which could advance either my financial or social status. Not so very
long ago, I was the typical "I have a plan for everything" person. I would decide what
major purchases we made, what our plans would be for every weekend, who we would go
out with, etc... Basically, I had the run over it, if it doesn't move and get out my way
attitude. To make all of this even worse, I have often been told that I had a very
"charming" way of going about this. I am sure all of you have run into someone similar at
some point in life.
Now, would you believe I consider myself a "Sheep in Wolf's clothing?" Sadly, I am still
perceived to be the same as I always was by most people. Many think I am on some
"New Age Trip" and just looking for a new "angle" to take advantage of. Or better yet, I
am just having a mid life crisis. Lately I find it very difficult to "tell" anyone what they
should be doing let alone how they should go about doing it. My life has become a series
of preferences versus a life of must haves. I no longer try to "bully" or "charm" my way
through anything. I do not make very many "set" plans anymore other than for work. But,
I never forget it is my choice that I choose to go into work every day. I awake each
morning knowing with absolute certainty that I am where I "choose" to be. If I truly
wanted to be somewhere else, I would be.
It used to be so easy for me to blame someone else for being where I was or for the things
I felt. Now, if I feel like I need to be doing something, I do it. If I choose to be somewhere
else I go there. If I feel like there is something I should be doing and I deny it. I am only
giving that particular thought power over myself. The trick is to uncover the "why" behind
the want to do something. Is it something I should be doing or is it something someone
else thinks I should be doing? Often times, I hear someone say, "I feel so guilty for not
doing this." Or, I wish I lived there instead of here. Then, I would be away from all of
"this". If you are trying to hide from your SELF where can you go? I have lived in four
different states. In these states I have lived in at least 20 different "homes". I can say with
absolute certainty that I have had some very good times and some very bad times in all of
them. When the times were good, it wouldn't have made any difference at all where I was.
Unfortunately I can say the exact same thing about the times things were not so good. The
only difference now is I can reflect back on the good or the bad things in my life for a few
minutes and laugh at just about any of them. I seem to be doing this quite often these days.
Did I mention, I have also been accused of going slightly insane upon occasion?
Today, I am very elusive in most of the responses I make. Several times, I have been
asked, "Jack what should I do in this situation?" I often find myself answering with a
question something like, "What do you think you should do in this situation?" I then act as
a "sounding board" for them. I have found, most people have already decided on some
course of action and are really just looking for confirmation from someone. I guess the
difference now is once they tell me what they think they should be doing. I follow up with
another very simple question, "Why?" This has certainly led to an interesting discussion or
two. If ask for specifics concerning my own actions or beliefs, I always elude to just do
what "feels" right for you no matter what that is and have an open mind for everyone else.
I firmly believe this is one area we must all work out for ourselves. Each of us, are going
to have our own idiosyncrasies to deal with and that is more than enough for anyone.
There are certainly many individuals much more comfortable in this area than I will ever
be. All I can do is share what little I have experienced in the hope more people open their
minds and take notice of the Mystery and Wonder that surrounds us all every second of
(c) Copyright 2000 by Jack Rabbit. All rights reserved.
Authors note: It is not my intention to disrespect wolves in any way. According to my
research, there has not been a single confirmed attack and killing of a human by a
healthy wolf. They are a very intelligent and social species which fills a much needed and
respected place in nature. However, they have been associated with literary acts of
aggression all throughout history.
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