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The other day, a business associate, ask me what seemed to be a very simple question at the time. “Where are you?” We were discussing a few business details I needed to get wrapped up with him and I was not paying as much attention to him as he thought I should have been. At the time, I simply apologized for not listening as intently as I should have, placed the other task at hand on hold and moved on. Later that same day, this haunting little question came creeping back into my thoughts. I began to ponder his question and it became immediately evident to me that I could make this as simple or complex as I chose. As I was working this question over in my mind for about the 100th time, one of those peculiar little thoughts of clarity suddenly struck me. “Jack, the question you should be pondering is not, where are you? It is instead, where do you want to be at the moment?”
At one time in my life, I would have answered this question so quick and with such confidence, it astounds me still to this day. I usually would have said something like, “At the Outer Banks, hiking in the mountains, fishing somewhere, reading a good book, etc...” Once I became “awake” all of this changed. I have learned to place considerable thought into the “messages of clarity” I receive. After taking the time to contemplate this thought with my inner SELF, the answer that made itself known to me was so clear and so simple, it was a little disturbing at first. “Jack, you really are right where you choose to be every moment of every day.” I thought to myself, “What!?!? How can this be!?!?”. As is often the case with me, the initial insight is a little hard to swallow at first. Once this “jolt” of information subsided a little, I really began to place a little deep thought into this.
Question: “Jack, are you imprisoned physically?”
Reply: “No, not that I have noticed.”
Question: “Jack, do you have any material things
you absolutely must have to survive which you could not take
with you at a moments notice or easily replace?”
Reply: “Well, I used to think so. But,
now I know better.”
Question: “Jack, is anyone really dependent
on you for their survival?”
Reply: “No, not really. I have a few close friends
and family I help out in various ways. But, if I were gone tomorrow, I
certainly have confidence that they would make it just fine without me
around.”
Question: “Then Jack, why don’t you follow your
heart and go wherever or whenever your desires want to take you?”
Reply: “I guess, I think that if I can hang in
here for a few more years and pay my dues early, I can probably end up
with a fairly young retirement. Not to mention, when it gets right down
to it, I just have not had a strong enough feeling to go somewhere else.
I am sure that if I did, I would go.”
Question: “So Jack, you “choose” to live as you
are in the here and now and possibly even sacrifice a little of today’s
desires for tomorrow’s?”
Reply: “ Yes, this is what makes sense to me
at the present moment anyway.”
Question: “So Jack, out of all of the other places
you could be and of all of the other things you could be doing at this
very moment, you choose to be exactly where you are, doing exactly what
you are right now?”
Reply: “Now that is a truly deep thought! I guess
I just never thought about it quite in this way before.”
I often feel that I have to be somewhere I do not really want to be. This is especially true for me, when it comes to my extended family or work. So many times, I have attended family events out of guilt. It is not that I do not love my extended family deeply. It is more that our paths often lead in different directions. The way I prefer to spend my free time differs greatly from that of most of my family. I have learned that many people try very hard to live through others rather than focus on their own lives. Lately, I have been inclined to be very mindful of the difference between someone wanting some of my free time and someone truly needing it. As for work, I can only offer this: I have come to accept and understand, work is what most of us do to generate the necessary energy/funds to provide for ourselves and our families in a style each of us deems to be appropriate. If I could do this while at play, I definitely would. It is not so much that I totally dread work anymore. It is more like I would simply prefer to be doing something else. But, as long as I am there, I might as well make it as fun and human as possible.
I could not possibly begin to write how many times
in the past, I have convinced my self, I was where I was because I felt
like I had no choice. I used to sit for hours and look at pictures of places
I thought I wanted to be when I got into one of these moods. Most of these
would be pictures of places I had been to before or places I wanted to
visit to get away from everything. Now, I tend to live for the moment at
hand. I have discovered true paradise lies in my heart and is with me everywhere
I go. As long as I am physically free, the view I choose to have outside
of my window is simply a preference. I will admit, it is comforting to
get away from all of the hustle and bustle once and a while. But, it gets
easier everyday to look inside my self for lasting peace instead of some
“mystical place”. I guess this is one of the reasons I just do not “stress-out”
much anymore. I always know I have the “right” to go anywhere and do just
about anything I would like, as long as I accept the consequences involved.
Jack
Rabbit (c) 2000
Authors Note:
I have not been “awake” for very long and
I still find myself slipping into old programmed habits quite often. But,
as soon as I recognize them for what they are, I simply move on or accept
my present situation for what it is. I also never forget it is my choice
to do either.